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During Julia's junior year in college, she met a great guy. But she didn't want to date him. So I don't think I was psychologically ready to get involved again and at the same time, I was pretty horny," she recalls. So after a halfhearted attempt at a romantic relationship, Julia and Steve decided that what they really wanted was "friendship with a little sex thrown in.
Having regular, no-strings-attached sex with someone you're not romantically involved with has become such a cultural phenomenon that it's acquired a name --"friends with benefits. For Julia and Steve, it worked out well -- the "benefits" part of their friendship ended when she met the man who is now her husband, but they're still close, and get together for dinner when he's in town. But are they the rule or the exception? Can "friends with benefits" really benefit both parties, or is there usually unexpected emotional fallout?
Benefits for Whom? Julia agrees -- and thinks the "benefits" went further than just enjoyable sex with someone she trusted. And it made me less desperate for a relationship," she says. FWB experiences can burn, however, and the friendships in question often end as a result. I'm horny. I know him so it won't be a random pickup that could be scary because I don't know the guy.
Why not? He was awful in bed, and he was boring and juvenile. Potentially more traumatic: One of you falls in love and the other one doesn't --or one of you goes into an it's-just-sex relationship harboring secret hopes of turning it into more.
Alanis Morrisette may sing, "You're my best friend, best friend with benefits" in "Head Over Feet" -- but no one hearing the rest of the lyrics could doubt that the singer is in love with the guy.
Sometimes it does, but that's not something you should be counting on," says Tessina. The plane has to move forward. It takes off or it lands. You can't just be in this holding pattern forever. How do you end the "friends with benefits" arrangement when one of you finds someone you'd like to date romantically? Julia and Steve found it easy -- although her husband still doesn't know about their past arrangement -- but complications often arise, says Caron.
If not, how does your new partner feel about this great friend of yours that you used to sleep with for convenience? To minimize the potential fallout and protect the friendship, approach a "friends with benefits" relationship with your eyes wide open. You're much more likely to get hurt if you're being dishonest with the other person -- or yourself -- about what you want out of this. If you can't talk openly with this friend about your expectations and concerns, then you probably aren't comfortable enough with them to share a bed. Caron suggests a few additional topics for discussion.
And talk about the time frame. Do you both plan on this going on indefinitely?
What happens when one of you finds someone else? Even if it's your friend, sometimes it's hard to talk about things that are related to sex. Could I have CAD? Missing Teeth?Sex only today nsa
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